Gather round, all you fist-pumping guidos and guidettes:
We’ve got some big news out of the Garden State.
It seems one of the OGs of the Jersey Shore squad – Jenni “JWoww” Farley herself – is officially off the market.
If you’ve been keeping up with the drama you know that JWoww and Zach Carpinello have broken up before.
They’ve always gotten back together, however, numerous times in fact, and this time it looks like it stuck.
According to multiple reports, “24” has popped the question as of earlier this month, and Jenni accepted.
Our sincere congratulations go out to these two, as we simply love an engagement this time of year!
Jenni’s joyous news led us to contemplate the romantic situations of her castmates – good and bad.
Without further ado, we present a complete rundown of the DTF Shore stars and their current (or former) romantic partners.
So pack your Purell, because we’re about to embark on an in-depth exploration of the Smush Room:
Jenni and 24
Yes, Jenni “JWoww” Farley and Zach “24” Carpinello are officially engaged. The couple shared their big news with fans on Instagram this week.
24 No More
Despite his nickname, Carpinello is actually 26 years old. That makes him nine years Jenni’s junior, but the age difference doesn’t seem to bother these two.
The Bad Times
Jenni and Zack have had their share of ups and downs, including the unfortunate incident in which he groped Angelina Pivarnick during a night of clubbing.
A Happy Ending
But Ms. Farley and Mr. Carpinello persevered, and it seems that Jenni will soon tie the knot for a second time.
A Lesson Learned (the Hard Way)
Yes, Jenni is hoping the second time is the charm, as her first marriage — to truck driver Roger Mathews — ended in explosive fashion.
Reason to Be Hopeful
The Roger situation certainly got ugly toward the end, but Jenni shouldn’t feel discouraged. After all, several castmates of hers have formed healthy, lasting marriages.
Snooki and Jionni
Take Snooki and Jionni LaValle, for example. The vertically-challenged couple tied the knot in 2014.
Leaving the Meatball Life Behind
Yes, Shore’s biggest party girl was the first to settle down, and she and Jionni have since welcomed three children together. If that’s not proof that people can change, we don’t know what is!
A New Snooki
Snooki has since retired from Shore, citing her desire to spend more time with her family. When politicians say that, it’s usually BS. But we actually believe it coming from Snooks!
Here Comes Mama Deeners!
Not to be outdone, Snooki’s partner in crime, Deena Nicole Cortese, married Chris Buckner in 2017. The couple welcomed their first child in 2019.
More Little Meatballs!
On the most recent season of Shore, Deena announced that she and Chris are currently expecting their second child. We guess the self-proclaimed “blast in a glass” has been temporarily put on ice.
Angelina and Chris
Rounding out the ladies of Shore is the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island herself, Angelina Pivarnick, who married Chris Larangeira in November of 2019.
Making It Work
Things got off to a rocky start, thanks to the infamous bridesmaids’ speech at their wedding, but despite that (and Angelina’s ongoing obsession with Vinny) the couple is still going strong.
Sammi and RAHN!
Speaking of troubled couples, who could forget Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola?
Definitely For the Best
The Sammi and Ron drama was part of what made the early seasons of Shore so memorable, but thankfully, the former castmates no longer have any contact with one another.
The New Sweethearts
These days, Sammi is engaged to businessman Christian Biscardi. The couple is expected to tie the knot sometime in 2021.
As for Ronnie, his relationship with Jen Harley turned into an utter disaster. But hey, at least it produced his beloved daughter, Arianna!
These days, Ronnie is in a new relationship with a woman named Saffire Matos. We’re glad he’s moved on, but we’re a little troubled by the fact that he’s still using the same Instagram poses.
Mike and Lauren(s)
More successful in the romance department is Ron’s castmate Mike Sorrentino, who married Lauren Pesce in 2018.
Shortly after tying the knot, Mike was forced to serve eight months in federal prison on tax fraud charges.
The Happiest of Endings
But Mike and Lauren stuck it out, and these days, they’re expecting their first child together! Hey, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor, right?
Pauly and Nikki
So who’s next to hear wedding bells in the Shore family? Well, our money is on Pauly D and Nikki Hall!
Pauly might not seem like the type to settle down, but he’s seemed smitten by Nikki ever since the two of them made their relationship official on the second season of A Double Shot at Love With Pauly and Vinny. We love a guido wedding this time of year!
Vinny and … Uncle Nino?
So that leaves Pauly’s Double Shot partner Vinny Guadagnino as the only fully single member of the Jersey Shore family.
Vin seems pretty content with his career as a high-class stripper, so he might never tie the knot. But if he does, we hope and pray that he’ll have his drunk uncle officiate.