Well, it’s finally over. The End of an Error, you could say.
After six installments, a sh!t ton of crying, and more excuses than we can count, Jenelle Evans’ “I Have Something to Say” series has wrapped up its iconic first-season run on YouTube.
Now, it’s time to look back at what we learned.
There are some obvious things, of course:
The Teen Mom 2 terror has too much time on her hands; She’s more desperate than ever to stay relevant; She blames everyone else for her problems.
But there are more subtle lessons, as well, many of them having to do with the never-ending insanity that is life on The Land.
The Land, of course, is the mythical, cleverly-named spot where the Eason-Evans homestead is located in North Carolina.
Join us as we take a trip down memory lane and revisit the key takeaways from Jenelle’s biggest waste of time ever.
A Mother’s Fury
Over the course of six episodes (few of which were delivered on Mondays, as planned), Jenelle Evans made her case against CPS and claimed her children were stolen by the government. The whole thing was every bit as insane as it sounds …
Telling Her Tale
It started last month, when Jenelle uploaded an intensely dramatic, nearly 1-hour video, in which she alleged that she was unfairly targeted by Child Protective Services and accused the organization of essentially kidnapping her children.
The Nugget Incident
As you’ll recall, Jenelle’s kids were placed in new homes after her husband, David Eason, shot and killed the family dog during one of his infamous temper tantrums.
The first thing we learned from the videos is that Jenelle is as dramatic as ever. She kicked things off with a recording from a 911 call, followed by footage of her crying after losing her kids — footage that she apparently shot herself.
From there, she showed a brief clip of her daughter Ensley crying. No context was provided, but apparently, we were supposed to conclude that the girl was in tears because her brother had been taken by CPS.
Breaking Out the Court Voice
At that point, Jenelle started talking like a professional news lady, y’all, telling the camera, “Within the next few episodes, I’m gonna explain the corruption, distress, trauma introduced to my family by CPS of May, 2019.”
Mrs. Evans-Eason didn’t maintain her composure for very long. She broke down in tears as she described receiving a phone call from Kaiser’s school informing her that he had been interviewed by CPS, and his grandmother had been allowed to take him home.
Once one domino fell, the others were quick to follow. The waterworks continued as Jenelle described the moment when her assistant manager (she has more than one manager?) called her and told her she had been “let go” by MTV.
Is it just us, or did Jenelle cry harder talking about when she got fired than she did while talking about losing her kids?
The Swamp Queen Runs Wild
We also learned that Jenelle hasn’t learned much about brand management as she started her YouTube series the same day that she posted a TikTok video in which Jenelle can be seen guzzling drinks and running around her property topless in what appears to be the middle of the day.
The fact that there appear to be mice or some other sort of vermin running around Jenelle’s house during her videos also doesn’t help her make her case that she’s the mom of the year.
A Tale of Two Villains
But let’s shift our focus momentarily to old Douche Bag Dave, or Uncle Bad Touch, as he’s known in the online Hatter community.
Throughout the series, David repeatedly makes excuses for his decision to beat, shoot, and kill the family dog, but he’s still unable to offer any evidence that the tiny pup bit or in any way harmed any of his kids.
However, Jenelle did offer up some concrete evidence that David behaves in an abusive, bullying fashion toward his eldest daughter, Maryssa.
A Shocking Display
Bizarrely, Jenelle posted the video under the belief that it would exonerate her monstrous husband, but fans were absolutely appalled by what they saw.
The Transitional Period
The video seems to have been recorded just after the case was dismissed but just before Maryssa came back to live with them. It begins with David speaking with Maryssa’s mother on the phone.
The Real Victim
“If you can’t get Maryssa under control then it might be a problem on your end,” he tells her. “I’ve always been able to keep control of her. Now, if she has some sort of emotional outburst where she’s not able to control herself, then we can consider getting a professional involved.”
What a Guy
“Other than that,” he continues, in his most threatening tone of voice, “you may need to learn how to relay things to her that are positive other than negative about her father, and it would be easier on her. Don’t ask her so many questions, talk to her like a child, and let her know that it’s just going back to normal life. If she can’t deal with it, then we’ll get a professional involved.”
When Maryssa takes the phone, David bullies her into talking to him, then laughs at her tears, as she says, “I’m scared I’m gonna get in trouble when I get over there.”
“Come on back to realization, come on back to real life here,” David instructs her. “When have you ever gotten in trouble that you need to be scared of?”
When Maryssa says that she’s afraid of being yelled at, David gets even angrier. “I’ve yelled at you, or I’ve gotten a loud tone of voice? Because there’s a difference,” Eason shouts. “It’s not anything that’s gonna make you in trouble, whatever you think trouble is, because you’ve never been in trouble at my house. I have never yelled at you. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. You’ve never been yelled at by anyone in my house.”
Yeah, That’ll Calm Her Down
When Maryssa says she’s afraid she won’t be able to go to her grandmother’s house again, Eason basically threatens her saying. “Number one, the first thing you need to do is calm down and stop crying, because if the thought of going to your ganny’s house is upsetting you, then maybe you shouldn’t go back over there!”
An Absolute Monster
David is always angry, of course, but it seems that in this case, he’s mostly pissed off that his daughter testified against him, telling the court that he’s prone to rage-driven behavior like breaking down doors.
Jenelle corroborated that testimony when she filed for a restraining order against David, but she has the money, so he can’t intimidate her quite as easily.
Plus, by that time, Jenelle had already flipped and changed her story, claiming that when people like her mother, Barbara Evans, testified against David, they did so only out of “jealousy.”
The Gaslighting Continues
Amazingly, Barbara also appears in Jenelle’s video series. She tells a series of obvious lies on the Easons’ behalf, probably so that she’ll be allowed to remain in her grandkids’ lives.
In Conclusion …
So what did we learn from Jenelle’s series? We learned that her kids are living in a dangerous environment with no adults to protect them or advocate for them, and their mother is mostly just interested in rescuing her career and reputation. “I Have Something to Say” is some of the most delusional, depressing stuff Jenelle has ever been involved with … which is really saying something.